Super Bowl, and I don't feel very super.

Well it is Super Bowl Sunday. Todays weight was 282. Some small improvement, which was good considering that I didn't get out as much as I would have liked, due to weather. If it's cold, I go. If it's windy, I go. If it's a little rainy, I go. I do not go when it all three of those things. I can definitely tell when I don't get out. I am way more irritable and frustrated, and all those things have been piling up lately.

The food has been better, more sandwiches, less eating out. I have been getting a lot more water lately. I have decided not to get my beloved Cran-Grape juice anymore. I was drinking a lot of calories in that, as well as orange juice. I have decided to stick with milk and water, and in all honesty, the occasional diet soda.

On the upside, I have joined the gym, they should be opening in the next few weeks, and I am completely ready to start some weight training. I think I might start with a personal trainer for a few weeks, just so I know what I am doing a little better. Yes, I am a health and P.E. teacher, but they didn't teach us all the ins and outs of weight training.

Ok, time for me to open up a bit more.

So as many know from a previous blog, my dog is sick. Well, I found out that it is a pretty aggressive cancer, and she was given 4-6 months. This has been a tough thing for me to deal with, and I really don't like to talk about it much because it makes me want to cry, I'm tearing up right now actually. This has been a process starting all the way back to October trying to find out what is wrong with her and get her fixed. I have spent a lot of time and money trying to get her fixed and then I find out that she is pretty much helpless. This completely kills me to know that there is nothing that I can do to help her except give her pills to manage the pain till the she passes. So I have been dealing with that for a while now, and it probably bothers me a lot more than I let anyone know (until now, obviously) and it probably bothers me more than I even realize.  On top of that, my truck is falling apart, I need to get a new one, but I can't because I am busy keeping this one running enough to get some money saved up to get a new one, basically an up hill battle. Just to top those things off, I get hit yesterday morning by some moron who had been drinking (it was 10:30 a.m. by the way). He gets out and wants me to not call the cops until his dad gets there, so he can say his dad was driving. Anyways, long story short, I call the cops anyways. It was his fault, he rear ended me. I know that his insurance will take care of it, but it was just one more stressful thing that I have to deal with now.

For those of you who know me well, you know that I rarely am stressed and that I don't get to emotional about things, but lately it has been rough for me. I know that many people have it much worse than me, and I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, I don't feel bad for myself. I just wanted to let out the things that have been bothering me.

Now the other part of my "dilemma" is that I am trying to figure out what God is trying to teach/tell me in all this. Is he trying to teach me to be more diligent in my giving to the church (because money, or lack there of, has been a constant issue in these things and that it is really His money)? Is he trying to teach me to spend more time with Him in His word (which I haven't really done regularly in a really long time)? Is he trying to tell me that I should get out of this town (which would be hard for me, because I love my job and my students, as tough as they can be sometimes)? My only real gripe with God on these things is that he is making my poor doggy feel bad. I would rather Him have made me sick than my dog, mostly because she can't tell me what feels bad or when it hurts etc. (I know, be careful what you ask for).

Today in church we discussed worship a lot, and in "sunday school" we talked about Solomon building the temple. In the passage we were discussing, we looked at a lot of the measurements and rules and standards that God told them to use, and one verse stood out to me. 1 Kings 6:11-13

 " 11 Now the word of the Lord came to Solomon,12 "Concerning this house that you are building, if you will walk in my statutes and obey my rules and keep all my commandments and walk in them, then I will establish my word with you, which I spoke to David your father.13 And I will dwell among the children of Israel and will not forsake my people Israel."


This just seemed almost like God encouraging him to continue his work, because the end result would be all worth it. I can imagine Solomon, and the workers getting frustrated with having to go by all these exact measurements and rules for building the temple, and God trying to encourage them to keep up the good work.

I think sometimes I get bored/tired of/ forgetful of the measurements that God and Christ set before us to follow and I just start nailing wood together and stacking up rocks and throwing mortar on them. I feel almost like maybe my temple is all out of wack. My walls are curved or crumbling, the floors are weak and flimsy, the roof leaks. All because I threw away the blueprints that He laid out for me.

Ok, all this deep thinking has made my head hurt, I gotta go lay down for a minute.

Random Note: I never really proof read any of these. I just kinda type for a while, so sorry about horrible grammar and the run on sentences. Thats pretty much how I talk anyways, so deal with it.

Yay, some improvement.

Well, let me preface this weeks weight with this. I used to weigh at night, and after discussing it with a few people, it would be better to weigh in the mornings, as it would be more consistent. So with that in mind this weeks weight is : 282.4

Now I know that a lot of that is due to the different time, but the last two weeks I have been weighing a few mornings a week, just to see and it was usually around 285. So the 282 is a pretty good sign that I am still losing, regardless of the time I weigh. Next week will be the real test.

This weeks diet wasn't great, but not bad either. I did however, get Brian McCann's autograph, so that made it worthwhile.

Deep thoughts for the week. Lately I have been seeing shows on t.v. about people addicted to something (Intervention), or involved in something (Beyond Scared Straight) that blows my mind. I can't imagine doing something that so obviously hurts my family. The guy on intervention has his whole family there, daughter and son just pouring out their hearts and crying their eyes out. He gets mad, leaves and basically tells them to shove it. What is so great about alcohol that is better than family? Then on Beyond Scared Straight, these kids are out fighting, robbing, doing drugs, and just breaking their families hearts. I just don't understand how someone could so blatantly hurt their family like that. I say all that for this, while walking around my neighborhood, I have seen numerous broken bottles (of liquor or beer) and even other drug paraphernalia (it was already broken, if it wasn't I would have done that myself). It blows my mind, because I know that their are many of my students who live in this neighborhood as well. Everyday at work, I realize what these kids have to deal with, and I always think to myself  "How would I have turned out if I had to deal with what they do".  Would I chose to fight against it and make myself a better person than my surroundings, or would I just fall into the same traps that the people before me fell into?

I'm trying, seriously.

Ok, so this morning I weighed around 287ish, but as of right now (right after dinner) I am at the same as last week.

I am trying to make better choices for my meals, but it's just not working for me. I have very little motivation to change my eating habits, but way more motivation to actually exercise. I also had a few sodas this week, all diet though. My addiction to caffeine was to great.

I got some potential bad news about Lola this week. There is a really good chance she has cancer of the bladder. I should find out more details on Monday. But that stresses me out, she is my baby. So when I get stressed, I get lazy about eating. I guess you could say I am a bit of a comfort eater, part of it is I don't want to cook or worry about what I am eating when there is something on my mind. I just want to eat something that is good, easy and fast. The other side of that is that when I am stressed, I want to go exercise. The best I felt this weekend was after I went for my 30 minute walk. I wish this gym next to me would open, it would be nice to o lift weights as well.

Well, we will try the menu again and see how it goes. I found a few different Lean Cuisines to try.

Ugh, this week is going to be tough.

Just another boring week.

Well, so far this week I have done pretty well with walking and sticking to the menu. I have realized that I really don't like cooking, or really even know how. I have no idea how to cook stuff. I might need to goto a book store and really read through some cookbooks and see if I can find one that is made for people like me (people who only know how to put something frozen into some that heats it up).

I have noticed that when I weigh myself in the mornings I weigh a lot less, I mean significantly less. It's crazy.

So my dog has been sick for a while now with some bladder issue. This has been kinda stressful for me. I feel horrible for her because I can tell she isn't feeling well, and it's hard to know whats wrong because she can't talk to me or anything. She just had a fairly invasive test done to figure it out, so hopefully that will find the problem and we can take care of it. Based on these events, I don't know how parents handle babies that are sick. They can't communicate the problem and just keep crying, I would go insane.

Slow and steady

Weight for the week. 289.2 A loss of .8 lbs.

I felt great this week, thought for sure I would have lost more. Snowmageddon kinda slowed me down with the walking. Oh well, I did start my longer route yesterday, it felt good to go a little longer. I made a menu for the week as well, I think that will really help me to stop going out to eat. I feel like if I have it written down and planned I am a lot less likely to break away from it.

Something else I realized this week, it is crazy hard to cook for one. I feel like I am throwing money away. I buy food to cook, but since it is just me, I only cook a small portion of it. I know I could cook it all and freeze/refrigerate it, but I hate leftovers. I shall make a trip to the store tomorrow and really focus on finding a good meal to cook for myself.

I also need to make myself start eating salad.

Snowmageddeon and the Icepocalypse

Soooo, there has been a lot of snow and ice around this town. Kinda hinders the getting out exercising thing. I did, however get out and walk around every day, just not as much as I would have liked to. I have always had this insane desire to go out after a storm of any sort and see the damage (in this case, no real damage, just to see what all is completely covered with that white stuff). I remember vividly walking my neighborhood after Hurrican Opel (I think thats the one) when I was a kid. I wanted to see all the limbs everywhere, all the trees down in the woods behind my house, etc. The snow we had earlier this season, the first thing I wanted to do the next day was hop in the truck and see what was going on. So what did I do this time? After waiting for part of the day after it all fell, I headed out in the truck. This is one of the many reasons I will always have 4 wheel drive, I like to take these small adventures and want to be prepared for them. It was pretty crazy that first day, after that the ice showed up and kinda ruined everything. 4 tires spinning on ice is just as bad at 2, so I headed out on foot. Not the full walk by any means, but better than nothing I suppose. The next day, again on foot, headed to Chick-fil-A, just for an adventure. Yesterday, 2 trips to the school and back, again not the full length walk. We get to go back to work tomorrow, should be interesting. I am excited to hear about everyone's long break and see what they did to entertain themselves. In the time I did spend in the house, I cleaned up some, and hung the baseball display case my dad hand made for me for Christmas. Pops is pretty good with the woodworking, those of you who have taken the hour long tour of the shop have seen his work.

I realized today at the grocery store that I need to start making a menu of sorts for the week. I have realized that I aimlessly walk around the store, and buy stuff that sounds good to me at the time (I do my best to never go in there hungry). If I make a menu for the week then I will buy specific things and hopefully it will save me money on not eating out as much. So, not eating out means, less chance of me having a coke, and I should be eating better.

My Goals for the up coming week:
 Extend my walk by 10 minutes every day.
Develop a menu before I go shopping.

Ugh, back to work...

Well, the weight for the week is 290.0. Lost one pound, sounds good to me. If I lost one a week for the rest of the year, thats 50 pounds, and that would be my goal. I know in order to make that happen I have to make changes, but I am being optimistic

School started back this week, and after two weeks off, it was both good and bad. Bad because I have to wake up early again, I can't walk in the mornings, I am always really tired at the end of the day. Good because I am back on a routine, I love our students (always have something , intentionally or unintentionally, funny to say) and I have people at work who encourage me in this process.

The eating thing is still really tough. I am just so lazy about changing my diet.

I tried to come up with some elaborate metaphor for what's been going on in my head lately, but I couldn't. Life is crazy, good things happen, bad things happen, they all are important. Right now, I just feel like I am waiting for the next good thing to happen to me. I don't feel like I have had any exceptionally bad things happen lately, it's just there are some particular good things that I am waiting on.