Well it is Super Bowl Sunday. Todays weight was 282. Some small improvement, which was good considering that I didn't get out as much as I would have liked, due to weather. If it's cold, I go. If it's windy, I go. If it's a little rainy, I go. I do not go when it all three of those things. I can definitely tell when I don't get out. I am way more irritable and frustrated, and all those things have been piling up lately.
The food has been better, more sandwiches, less eating out. I have been getting a lot more water lately. I have decided not to get my beloved Cran-Grape juice anymore. I was drinking a lot of calories in that, as well as orange juice. I have decided to stick with milk and water, and in all honesty, the occasional diet soda.
On the upside, I have joined the gym, they should be opening in the next few weeks, and I am completely ready to start some weight training. I think I might start with a personal trainer for a few weeks, just so I know what I am doing a little better. Yes, I am a health and P.E. teacher, but they didn't teach us all the ins and outs of weight training.
Ok, time for me to open up a bit more.
So as many know from a previous blog, my dog is sick. Well, I found out that it is a pretty aggressive cancer, and she was given 4-6 months. This has been a tough thing for me to deal with, and I really don't like to talk about it much because it makes me want to cry, I'm tearing up right now actually. This has been a process starting all the way back to October trying to find out what is wrong with her and get her fixed. I have spent a lot of time and money trying to get her fixed and then I find out that she is pretty much helpless. This completely kills me to know that there is nothing that I can do to help her except give her pills to manage the pain till the she passes. So I have been dealing with that for a while now, and it probably bothers me a lot more than I let anyone know (until now, obviously) and it probably bothers me more than I even realize. On top of that, my truck is falling apart, I need to get a new one, but I can't because I am busy keeping this one running enough to get some money saved up to get a new one, basically an up hill battle. Just to top those things off, I get hit yesterday morning by some moron who had been drinking (it was 10:30 a.m. by the way). He gets out and wants me to not call the cops until his dad gets there, so he can say his dad was driving. Anyways, long story short, I call the cops anyways. It was his fault, he rear ended me. I know that his insurance will take care of it, but it was just one more stressful thing that I have to deal with now.
For those of you who know me well, you know that I rarely am stressed and that I don't get to emotional about things, but lately it has been rough for me. I know that many people have it much worse than me, and I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, I don't feel bad for myself. I just wanted to let out the things that have been bothering me.
Now the other part of my "dilemma" is that I am trying to figure out what God is trying to teach/tell me in all this. Is he trying to teach me to be more diligent in my giving to the church (because money, or lack there of, has been a constant issue in these things and that it is really His money)? Is he trying to teach me to spend more time with Him in His word (which I haven't really done regularly in a really long time)? Is he trying to tell me that I should get out of this town (which would be hard for me, because I love my job and my students, as tough as they can be sometimes)? My only real gripe with God on these things is that he is making my poor doggy feel bad. I would rather Him have made me sick than my dog, mostly because she can't tell me what feels bad or when it hurts etc. (I know, be careful what you ask for).
Today in church we discussed worship a lot, and in "sunday school" we talked about Solomon building the temple. In the passage we were discussing, we looked at a lot of the measurements and rules and standards that God told them to use, and one verse stood out to me. 1 Kings 6:11-13
" 11
Now the word of the Lord came to Solomon,12 "Concerning this house that you are building, if you will walk in my statutes and obey my rules and keep all my commandments and walk in them, then I will establish my word with you, which I spoke to David your father.13 And I will dwell among the children of Israel and will not forsake my people Israel."
This just seemed almost like God encouraging him to continue his work, because the end result would be all worth it. I can imagine Solomon, and the workers getting frustrated with having to go by all these exact measurements and rules for building the temple, and God trying to encourage them to keep up the good work.
I think sometimes I get bored/tired of/ forgetful of the measurements that God and Christ set before us to follow and I just start nailing wood together and stacking up rocks and throwing mortar on them. I feel almost like maybe my temple is all out of wack. My walls are curved or crumbling, the floors are weak and flimsy, the roof leaks. All because I threw away the blueprints that He laid out for me.
Ok, all this deep thinking has made my head hurt, I gotta go lay down for a minute.
Random Note: I never really proof read any of these. I just kinda type for a while, so sorry about horrible grammar and the run on sentences. Thats pretty much how I talk anyways, so deal with it.
